Tears in my eyes...

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes. I dreamed of my mother expressing how she loves me through words written on a sheet of paper. Although it was just a short dream but it was so clear that made me cry. When I woke up, I remember that February 13, next day will be my sister’s 3^rd year death anniversary and cried more.

We have a gap with my family right now. 3 weeks ago, I texted my family that March will be my last financial support to them which I think threaten them. I told them that I am planning to go home soon and needs enough funds for me to start back home. For the last few months or when the crisis hits Dubai, my income is getting worse compared to what I had on my first two years. Before, I can support them at least on what they request but this time, I felt anxious. I feel insecure on my financial status, career or even self-actualization. For the last 5 years of working on this company, I am still on the same position. No promotion, no increments. There are lots of questions bothering me lately that lead me to depression. Envy, jealousy or greed might be the word to say but wither it is less or more it still exists on my body.

I don’t know where to start but one thing for sure, I am not ready to go back home yet. I have a better life here in Dubai compare to what is waiting for me in Davao. There might be misconception on how I see life lately but I don’t have a choice except to accept and embrace it, face the challenges and be strong.

The following might help me:

• Pray
• I will love my self first and stop pushing to the limits if it’s not possible. Enjoy and Relax, spend, indulge.
• Be contended and work on what you have: ask less act more
• Don’t fight with my friends here in Dubai
• Try to detach a little bit or put a gap to my family. Anyway, my family is always my home base.
• Envy, greed and jealousy. Channel it in the right way. How? Think this: their experience might be worse than what you have
• Focus on plans
• Etc, etc…

“Bahala na si Batman!” I am not use with this phrase but what I can do.