Im in the Crisis

I might be in the greatest crisis so far in my life. This May will be my 5th year in Dubai and I don’t get any sense from it.

I am still a bellboy. No salary increase, no promotion, tips are getting lower and lower each day. I get jealous of all my batch mates who are now doing well. My pride is killing me.

My family still dependent on my support and I don’t see any help from them in return. My brother whom I send for 4 years in college gets married and had a baby girl. What more disappointing is he and his wife are staying in my Mom’s house.

The material things that I bought intended for my family were pawned, other were send to my older brother’s house in exchange of an amount of money (lesser the value at far) which was used for the hospitalization of my nephew. My mother doesn’t even bother to tell me.

My youngest brother whom I send in school for 2 years now is asking money as if I get it very easily. His need is endless. He email me for his project deadlines and financial requirements, he don’t even give me updates of how his study is going on.

My social life is so low. It’s my choice because I don’t want to spend. I don’t go out with friends because automatically, expense will follow. And my family especially my mom is thinking that I always go out for party.

I’m in the crossroad now. Staying in Dubai might be the best option as of now but staying in the company where I am currently employed is not. I have to do something. I have to move on, I should grow.

God help me….

Welcome Me Back!

Oh! It’s been a while.

I was absent on my page for ages but it doesn’t mean though that my fingers are not working anymore, they were just busy on something else. You know! A man thing, hehehe!

Anyway, just to give you updates on the latest that made me smile this weekend. 1st, I had a high-tea at Burj Al Arab last Thursday with my boss and a movie marathon with my friends the following day. We watched Ice Age 3, National Geographic’s Bermuda Triangle, The Hitcher, Beowulf, Bridge to Terabithia, and Confession of a Shopaholic.

High Tea in Burj Al Arab will cost you Dhs 370 or Php 4,500. I was just so privilege that I had this opportunity for free although some guests on the place where not so happy when we arrived. They stare at us like tigers hooking their prey. Hmmm…. Don’t care at all! I don’t even bother to look at them in response. They are just arrogant, insecure, sad people on this world that regardless of their wealth, smiling to them is a task that is why they look like monsters. You can’t smile on monsters right?

The movie marathon was free as well. My friend Paul lends me his collection of movies that were downloaded from the internet, heheheh! Of course, cans of soda and some packets of chips will not make you poor so indulge with it while watching.

Well, my mobile phone alarmed! Its time for me to work now.

My BFF is HIV Positive!

In my desire to make my vacation a big blast which was set last April and May, I planned it out 5 months earlier. I visited google search frequently looking for informations that I can start with. My objective is to explore my gayness in the capital.

Thorough this I encountered a blog entry when I hit Malate, gay capital in the Philippines on the search bar. The author gave me detailed informations on what to expect in the place. His blog page also gave me links on other gay related sites that were very helpful. Fascinated by the way he writes, I read all his entries on his archives and found out that he is HIV positive. Blessings in disguise, it gave me interest to broaden my knowledge on the disease and cautioned me when my vacation will come.

Last April and May, the time came. I explored Manila. We went to Bathhouses, Dance Clubs, Movie Houses, Coffee Shops or even public parks and university premises that are known for finding hook-ups. I have less guilt to be infected if I just consider my sexual encounters during that period but still, I did not get my self tested.

Last September 25, my very good friend, Bobby whom I spend my happy moments in Manila during my vacation talked to me online. He informed me that our classmate in high school, Earl (gay) died with AIDS. I was shocked; I spend time with him on my vacation. I can’t imagine that I will know someone personally that will be infected by the disease. Bobby made a follow-up question: “Ikaw ba kapag nalaman mong HIV positive ako, di ka magbabago?” Equipped with the info I read from bloggers who are HIV Positive, I gave him words that might comforted him. And the big revelation came, my very good friend for almost 2 decades is positive with HIV. I immediately called him and felt the pain in his heart. His last words on the phone were: “Sana nandito ka!” and I answered him, “Bobby, you are my best friend forever!” and the line disconnected.

Fahrenheit – My 1st Bathhouse Experience

April 1, 2009 - first day of my 2 month vacation in the Philippines. After 5 hours of my landing in NAIA, my cousin Charlie asks me to prepare for a night-out of a lifetime. Although I’m still in the middle of a jet lag, my excitement to feel the air of the home country after 2 years fuelled me to a highest power.

We took taxi from the house and LRT. OMG! That was my first time to ride a train. The feeling was overwhelming and people rushing through it were rewarding to look at. My heart was full of joy that I almost cry. At last, I’m home.

After 5-6 stations from North Edsa, we stepped out from the train, a jeep ride and a 5 minutes walk. We enter a red gate and security approached and greets us. We headed to their reception and we were welcome by their staff on a black sando and short. I feel like we will be entering a gay bar with ago go boys dancing. After registration (Charlie is already a member) and payments, we were ask to deposit our valuables and went in. Fahrenheit Café and Fitness Center, wow! It sounds that we will be entering a gym or will have a massage but I am wandering, at 11pm?

Empty dance floor and 2 guys sitting on the bar was the first scene. Charlie led me to a TV room with M2M porno playing on the screen. He asks me to take a sit and rest but I was so excited to roam around. We went down through stairs and were greeted by another staff. He asked the key that the reception gave us and led us to our respective locker room. I was very eager but cautious, excited and yet conscious. I observed keenly what others are doing. People around the place stare at me like their prey. I took off my shirt and pants and wrap around the small towel on my waist with my underwear on but Charlie instructed me to take off everything. Hmmm… the towel doesn’t even cover everything but I know the party will about to begin.

First 20 minutes inside the bathhouse I spend it at the gym. There, I saw gay guys sweating while lifting weights. The muscles on their biceps are less big than the muscles I found on their lower body covered by the small towel (you know!). I am wondering how big their manhood will take if it’s on, or they just doing a trick to catch someone. A guy full of sweat crosses behind me and let his body touch my back that pisses me off. I was not on my sex mode yet, even if Brad Pitt will do the same will not turn you on. I want to wipe my back with my towel but I will be naked in front of everybody if I do so. I rushed to the nearest shower and had my back washed. I went back to the gym and started to do my routine without any sexual intentions to others. Stretching, lifting weights and some cardio exercise that my sweat came out all over. I realized why the guy earlier let his body touch my back. You feel hot if your sweat is coming out while others are staring especially when you are almost naked. When you conclude that those stares are your signal for a prospect, you will let your body touch with them. There were 3 different invitations to me to go up in the dark room for sex but was so tired from a long flight. I just want to know the place and above all, soul searching. I want to talk to PLU on their experiences. I step out from the area and had a quick shower. Charlie saw me and drags me for a drink.

In less than 30 minutes I find myself holding the 4th bottle of San Mig Light. I was full of inhibitions inside the bathhouse and I want to lessen it by drinking beer. From there I met different PLU. Miguel who is on his early 40’s, a lawyer and a father of 2. He used to visit bathhouse every time he has appointment in the city. For him, being a father never lessens his being gay but of course he has to be discreet for his family. Having children of his own give him a sense of direction. I met Lito, single and on his late 30's. He works as an administrative officer in Canada and like me; he is in the Philippines for vacation. According to him, you have to be very fit in order to enjoy bathhouse in Canada. He was a little bit chubby so every time he visit bath house in Canada, he feels discriminated as he said. I also came to talk to the bartender, the only straight person present on the bar I assumed. He is one of the pioneering staff of Fahrenheit. He is also on his late 30's and a father of 2 too. At first he find it awkward to work surrounded with gay people but as the years goes by he enjoys it that made him stay in the establishment for 5 years (as what I recall). Ken a 24 year-old call center agent. He look like a celebrity physically, his face and his body was very enticing to the point I open the conversation with him how much he charge for a sex not thinking that I was in a gays haven. But his reply turns me off. When he opens his mouth for a word, the pitch was so high like a diva. Tag-lish conversation from him also feels me inconvenient, full of pretension.

From bar, I decided to roam around the place. There I found bodies lean towards other: couple, trio or even orgy up to 5 members. I don’t feel to join them because I have mix emotions. I am scared that I might be infected with STD and tired of 14 hours flight from Dubai-Singapore-Manila. I went to Jacuzzi for a quick plunge and headed to the cubicle in dark room and fall asleep.

When i woke up i went down to the bar, Lito from Canada approached me and said: “Hoy! Saan ka galing? Alam mo bang tatlong beses ka nang pinatawag (over paging system). Julius pala pangalan mo at hindi Ryan” and he smiled. I look at the wall and find out that it was already 2:30am. Charlie came from my back on his clothes and asks: “Nakarami ka ba? ang tagal mo ah!” I apologized and went to the changing room. I want to tell him that nothing happened sexually on my first visit in bathhouse.

We left the place full of happiness. The area was full of energy and very fulfilling that you will enter an establishment where you belong... no matter if you are KAPUSO or KAPAMILYA. The important thing is self-acceptance by merely entering the palce and get connected…

My Sancturio Experience

It was on my 7th day in Manila during my vacation in the Philippines last April 2009. My friends, Migs and John decided to have a walk in Malate after a lunch date in Robinson’s Ermita. At first, I was hesitant of the idea because I don’t have money. We checked all the ATM machines available in the place but not able to withdraw cash for an unknown reason.

We ended up to an establishment with a garden in the middle of busy streets and tall buildings; it was along Bacobo St. in Malate. Migs and John pulled me inside although I don’t like the idea of inquiring a product or service without buying power, money. Migs reasoned out that we will just ask for the rates and we will come back next time. It was a spa (for gay) named, Sanctuario.

John is so good on pretension. He managed to talk to the receptionist with grace that the lady extended her extra effort to please us. I busy myself looking on the pictures, certificates and awards that the establishment received over the years to lessen the guilt while Migs is checking the pricelist. The lady on the desk was so kind that I can’t help except to pull out my debit card and ask her if they accept it just to compensate her effort. The lady checks the card and when she saw the logo of VISA, she immediately asks for an ID. I showed one and she asked us what services we like. I immediately answered her the cheapest. Wow! Php 900++ per person. Were 3 so she swiped the amount of Php 2,700++ against my debit card, ouch!

We entered the establishment with my mind thinking of the amount I paid. It was too much. I want to maximize the services/products that this spa can offer because I sweat blood to earn the money in Dubai. We took shower while John informed me of the things and activities inside. Saunas (Wet & Dry), Jacuzzi, Bubble Bath, and Swimming Pool were the interest of the place. But the most enticing are those men who were present at that moment. Young, gorgeous and they look rich maybe because my mind was pre-emptied on the amount I paid, hehehe! And there were ladies too.

We used almost all the facilities inside with only small towel in our body. After sometime, John approached me and wants me to be with him upstairs which is private place. He said that the owner wants to meet us. I know that it would be sex but since it was my first time in the place and it is in Manila, far away from my hometown, Davao I declined. I was scared that that the final scene in a gay themed movie starred by Joseph Bitangcol and Polo Ravales “Walang Kawala” will happen to us. But a gwapo and mestizo-chinito on his mid 20’s approached and informed us that it will be fun and safe. I come to know that he was also part of the group upstairs that I reconsider my thought of declining. We left Migs at the area because he was very busy finding hook-ups and the invitation was not up for him.

My plan was to only see the place because it was very intriguing. Anyway, I can find sex everywhere without compromising my security. It was like a pad on the top of a tree. We climb the very stiff and narrow spiral stairs to go up until we reach the doorstep. When the door opens, I saw 2 guys inside almost naked. I went back to my way but the mestizo-gwapo hold me back and assured me it will be fine. We were 5 gay guys inside the private room of Sanctuario located on the 2nd Floor of the place.

When we entered the room, the show began without any signal or something. The action started so quickly that I saw my manhood inside the mouth of mestizo-chinito without asking my permission while my friend John was on the group of 3 bodies turned into one right in front of my very own eyes. Mestizo-Chinito asked me to lie on the bed which I followed that gave me a more relaxing view of the orgy while he was sucking me. Moments later, the oldest of the group came over to us while sniffing a black-colour small vial from time to time which I only saw in porno videos. He motioned his back towards mine but I pushed him slightly and asked for condom. Mestizo-Chinito moved beside John and continues caressing each other while the 3rd man lies beside me. The owner checked his drawer to find condom but only one was available. He wears it on the man beside me because his is bigger. Good thing is the 3rd man was licking my tits nicely while the older guy was on the top of him. Sucking, fucking, and too much of moaning filled up the room until we finally reach our orgasm. We cleaned up and the oldest of the group invited us for dinner on their organic restaurant.

When the sumptuous seafood dinner was served, I found out that the older gay guy on the group was one of the owners. He was very generous, down to earth and entertaining. He showed us his beautiful talking bird doing tricks right after the food. He informed us of his other branch and gave us his business card. Were lucky he said… We had a nice time.

After the dinner, we went to their massage room and get the services. The masseurs were sexy but the massage was not. Maybe if you will show money, they will do what you are expecting from them. But I don’t like the idea of paying for sex even maybe I will become a millionaire. Anyways, the experience on the owners pad is worth the price by far.

I went out from the establishment because I was too exhausted of what happened. Migs and John decided to stay for a final call inside. It was late, I saw the masseurs going out from the place. They were hot and they look like that they have more money than me. Good skin, good clothes and even own a good bike. I walked the streets of Malate and bought chocolate milk in one of the convenience store nearby when my phone rang. It was john telling:

“Saan ka na? Putang ina mo, bumalik ka dito mahohold-up ka dyan!”

And I went back on my way.

Bakit Ako Galit!

My friend Robert visited me today on my room. I was struck by his news that the emcees for this year’s Staff Annual Party are Evans (Kenyan), Lea and Joy. Robert is part of the working committee. I was so affected of the information that my thinking keeps on asking to the point it bothers me for hours. My thought is questioning why I was not considered wherein I was one of the emcee last year with Lea. The head of the Working Committee, Ms. Theresa don’t even bother to ask me if I am willing to participate as what I showed of last year’s event.

Bakit ako Galit?! Why I am so insecure especially when these time (events, parties, gatherings) comes. I am event organizing addict. I am very supportive and willing to give all and yet it gives me heartache if I feel neglected. I am very sociable and yet I don’t have a core group that I can hang-out with when there are fallbacks or when the expectations did not meet. I love to be in the center stage and yet so scared of what other people might tell during the occasions. I get stressed instead of having fun!

Hahahaizzz! Am I a geek?

Maybe yes, when my mind tells me so. Mind is so powerful that even you don’t want to think about it, it keeps on rolling to your head especially when it matters to you most. I hope for this coming Staff Annual Party, I have the guts to enjoy and present my self well. Good Luck to me!

Blow job is sexy but hard hit blow is heavenly….

Yes, I am gay. Feminine, scared, attracted to same sex …weak. But there things you can do out from your anger, things you can do because you know that your right even it is least expected from you.

It was early in the morning. I just came from my breakfast and happily walk in on my workplace to start my shift when my Indian colleague shouted at me on the things to do in front of others. I was surprised but I let it pass because I don’t know what he’s talking about. He’s acting like my supervisor where in fact he’s in the same position of mine.

After sometime I told him not to do it anymore but he responded the same way, feeling like a boss. “That’s it, enough for him!” I dragged him in our luggage room and pointed out to him that he is not my supervisor pressing hard my point finger on his head. I pull his collar and try to intimidate him to fight with me. He was shocked, he shouted for help and my supervisor (Filipino) and other colleague came. They pull me back and ask the Indian to leave the room. I was so pissed off. I might be one the kindest person in the team but I can be a monster if somebody pushes me to the limit. I tried to calm down but I saw clearly objects like rope, knife, steel rod, and scissors, objects that if he is still in front of me I can use those to kill him. It took me about 10 minutes to calm down.

When I came out to start my duty, I saw him again. Telling to everybody what had happened. I approached and told him to stop it, but before he can say a word I punch him on his stomach. He knelled on the floor pressing his body, feeling the pain. I was disbelief of what had happened. I walked out confuse, nervous and scared. I was thinking of the consequences.

Later in the afternoon, my manager called the parties involved. I am ready for the consequences that this will be my last day of work. The Indian colleague aired his side (over fabricated) and my manager asked me if it’s true. I don’t want to defend myself from an Indian manager; I was thinking that this issue will be brought to HR Department for fair judgement so I answered him yes to make the meeting short. Luckily, it doesn’t need a sentence from my side to defend myself. The manager knows me well. He patched up things and asked both of us to shake hands and we did. He doesn’t want to make this thing big.

The team might have an impression that I am gay (yes! I am) because we’ve been working together for almost 4 years now, and I have ways very different from them. But what had transpired gave them new idea of who really I am.

This experience gave me enlightenment. I’m glad that from the meeting with our manager, it did not require me a lot to defend myself and the decision was in favour on my side. It’s good to know that I re-establish self-respect and the respect I wanted from others.

Blow job is sexy but hard hit blow is heavenly….

Unang Araw

April 1, 2009. Matapos i-anunsyo ng piloto ng Singapore Airlines(Dubai-Singapore-Manila) na nakalapag na kami sa Pinas ay malaking pasasalamat ang aking nararamdamam. Salamat, na sa dalawang taon kong paghihintay sa Dubai ay dadating na naman ang panahon na kung saan muli kong makakapiling ang lahat ng mga pinakaimportante sa aking buhay: pamilya, kaibigan, at ang Pilipinas na walang katulad at nag-iisa. Dali-dali kong kinuha ang aking lagahe at dumiretso sa immigration. Pagkatpos masunod ang lahat ng proseso ay agad akong lumabas sa NAIA at doon nakita ko ang aking pinsan na si Charlie na lumipad pa galing Davao para ako ay sunduin at samahan sa mga gimmick sa Manila.

Si Charlie ang tumulong sa aking makakuha ng trabaho sa Dubai. Napadali ang proseso dahil may katungkulan sya sa HR Department ng hotel na pinapasukan ko ngayon. Pero pagkatapos ng halos limang buwan na aming pagsasama sa iisang hotel ay bumalik sya ng Pinas para mag-aral ng nursing.

Nag-lakad kami ng kaunti galing sa waiting area ng NAIA at pumara ng Taxi. Nang kami ay maupo, agad sinabi ng driver na 80 US$ (Php 3,800.) ang aming babayaran pagkatapos nyang malaman ang aming distinasyon, Barangay Karuhatan, Valenzuela na ang dapat pamasahe ay 400-450pesos lang.

“Masyadong malaki!” Ang tugon ni Charlie sa Driver. “Ganun talaga ang pamasahe, dahil airport taxi kami,” ang sagot naman ng Driver. Dahil nalakihan sya sa pamasahe, agad kaming bumaba kahit wala pa sa isang kilometro ang tinakbo ng aming sinasakyan. Gayunpaman, hiningian pa rin kami ng pera ng mokong na driver. Binigyan ko sya ng 200 pesos para wala ng gulo na kinainis ng pinsan kong napagod at nagutom dahil sa kakahintay sa akin.

Dahil sa inis ay agad nyang pinara ang bus na papunta sa aming destinasyon na tiempong dumadaan sa aming kinatatayuan. Di ko alam kung tama ba ang aming ginawa dahil napakabagal ng takbo at sobrang matrapik. Pero nasiyahan ang loob ko dahil nagkaroon ako ng pagkakaton na ibaling ang aking tanaw sa maingay, marumi, mausok pero masayang lansangan ng Maynila habang walang katapusang kamustahan ang pinag-usapan namin ng aking pinsan. Pagkatos ng halos 3 oras sa bus ay narating rin namin ang bahay. Bahay ng brother in law ni Charlie na ang asawa ay nag-aabroad din, sa Saudi nga lang. Nagulat ako dahil nakahanda na sa lamesa ang aming kakainin na agad kong sinunggaban dahil sa pagkasabik ko sa pagkain ng Pinas.

Busog. Niyaya ako ni Charlie na humiga muna bago kami lumabas. Pero di ko alam kung anong meron ako sa araw na iyon. Kahit dalawang araw na akong walang maayos na tulog dahil sa pag-iimpake at sa byahe, ay mataas pa rin ang adrenalin ko para lumabas. Gusto kong magsine, magdisco, magkape, sumakay ng tren, mamalengke at kung anu-ano pang pumapasok sa aking isipan. Sobrang excitement ang nararamdaman ko sa araw na iyon.

“Dre, tara na!” ang sabi ko sa pinsan ko. Matulog ka muna, ang tugon nya. Ihanda mo ang sarili mo dahil pagkatpos ng tulog mo ngayon, sisigaw ka na parang si German Moreno ng Waaalllaaannnggg TULUGAN! Nagtawanan kami pareho at agad syang tumayo para maligo. Agad din naman akong kumuha ng damit na galing sa dala kong bag…

At dito mag-uumpisa ang aking hamon na sukatin ang Maynila, ang Capital City ng Pilipinas. Buong buhay ko ay umikot sa Davao City kaya pagkakataong ko natong ibagay ang aking interest kung ano man ang meron sa lugar na ito. Ito rin ang unang hakbang sa aking mga plano na matagal ko nang pinaghandaan habang ako ay nasa Dubai pa…
Itutuloy….

I'm BACK!

Hey,

After 2 months of vacation in the Philippines and after a week of adjusting things here in Dubai, I'M BACK! There are lots of story to tell but don't know where to start and how to make it as interesting as possible. Anyway, I might settle on posting comments on other blogs which I enjoyed most.

I miss blogosphere, I miss the bloggers!

Julius
Dubai, UAE

my mistake...

i thought that i can update my blog account while having my vacation here in the philippines...

mali pala ako. sayang ang oras para humarap pa sa computer at magsulat... gayunpaman, miss ko na ang blogosphere.

julius
davao city, philippines

Detour!

I spend hours of searching the internet for me to find cheap accommodation in Manila and places to visit in the capital only to find out that my cousin, Charlie flew from Davao to Manila yesterday to fetch me at the airport on April 2. Yup, April 2! As per the HR Department I will be leaving Dubai for a 45-days vacation in the Philippines on April 1 via Singapore Airlines and the Expected Time of Arrival (ETA) in Manila Airport will be on April 2 at 1:30pm.

My original plan is to stay in Malate District for 3-4 days before meeting Charlie. Why? Because, I want to explore Manila alone; the place where me and Charlie will be living is at Barangay Karuhatan, Valenzuela, very far from party and fun places; and if I will be in that place, I think that I will spend more considering the number of relatives in the house.

Hahaaizz.. don’t have a choice. Charlie helped me to get my job abroad and my relatives in Valenzuela helped me during the time that I process my papers.

I have to change my plans!

He is a friend...

“Juls, may lakad ka ba? Lonely ako ngayon eh… inom tayo Noy, dito sa room ko. Kuha ka ng alak dyan.”

This was the text I received from my good friend and a buddy Chris (not his real name) this afternoon. Lately, I keep distance from him because he found his new love – a girlfriend. At first, I can’t believe that he can manage to have one since I know him for a long time and shared experiences that would give me a clear picture of who he is. But, their relationship with his girlfriend lasted for more than 6 months and still counting. I realized that all things are possible.

What do you think Chris wants from me this time? Well, I have to find it out.

I share my experiences with him to Migs of Manila Gay Guy. Though I received offensive comments of my mistakes in writing, it encouraged me to write more.

http://manilagayguy.net/2008/10/25/a-respite-dubai-dilemma-and-ryan-garalde/

P.S.: There are 2-3 names mentioned but I am referring to one person only.

My aching tooth was removed!!!

Yesterday, March 12 was my tooth extraction. I remember my mother treats us with cold snack every after visit to our dentist. But since I am in Dubai and she’s not around to gave me courage that tooth extraction is just like “kagat lang ng langgam,” I will do the same thing, but later after the procedure.

To be honest, I was hesitant to go back on my dentist’s appointment because I am set to take my vacation on April 1 (20 more days to go), I am thinking that I will do it in the Philippines. Second, I am scared, the dentist is an Indian. I am not racist but the first time I saw him during consultation give me anxiety. And third, it’s not paining anymore, maybe because of the medicines I am taking. The only thing that gave me courage to push through what is set for the day are the friendly Filipino staff who always wear their perfect smile every time I step in to their clinic and the expenses I made on my first visit, of course.

I came 10 minutes earlier on the scheduled time and again I was welcomed with 5 friendly Filipinos staff and an Indian lady. The 3 Filipinos are about to leave for the day and the other 2 is to relieve those who will end the shift. They include me on their discussions about where is the best place to shop though shy to bat in my opinions.

Few minutes after, the doctor came and Andrew his assistant asked me to go up with him for they will start the operation. We went inside the room and I sat on the dental chair. Andrew prepares the stuff while the doctor is wearing the gloves. Moments after, the doctor inject the anaesthesia to my gums, “para nga talagang kagat lang ng langgam!” in less than 3-5 minutes, my aching tooth was removed, a great feeling! I thanked them all and leave the place.

And, for the finale…

... a halo-halo treat for my self.

By the way, i took the pictures by myself this time. Have to practice before my vacation. Otherwise, my camera will not give me best results...

10 Things to Do on my Vacation

I will not go back to Dubai if I miss any of the following in the Philippines during my 45 days vacation which will start on April 1.

Explore Manila. Go to historic sites, major streets, museums, parks, shopping centers, top universities and visit friends who live in the capital. I live my entire life in Davao and this time, I want to taste the lifestyle of the metro.

Maximize Malate. Go were the Pink Party is. Indulge myself to dance clubs, bath houses, and other places were birds with pink feathers flock together.

Puerto Galera. Plunge to the clear beach water of White Beach in Puerto Galera where it was named as the haven for Pink Panthers. Dance on the seashore and be sober on its local cocktail drinks.

Meet Bloggers on the Road. Thank them personally for sharing their experiences though blogging which helped me in some ways.

Photography in Me. Take a thousand of pictures or more from all over the place to capture the moment. This will bring thousand of stories to be shared to my friends, family or even to my readers of my blogspot (if any).

Shopping Galore. Buy shirts with Philippine Map, Flag or face of Jose Rizal, Ninoy Aquino, or even the face, logo, emblem of the late Master Rapper Francis M, etc. etc. Undergarments such us socks, brief, and undershirts. Buy “pasalubong” for friends and colleagues here in Dubai.

Party! Party! Party! Party to the Max! On street, on the living room, on the dance floor or even on the roof top. Pajama, formal, beach attire – regardless of what clothes to be needed and what occasions to be celebrated, party with friends must be on its peak.

Quality Time with my Family. The family that prays together stays together. Go out together: watch movies, beach, bowling, shopping, etc. Eat Good Food.

Food Trip. Eat authentic adobo and my paboritio, PUSIT prepared by my most beloved lady, my mother. Eat fresh vegetables & fruits; “kakanin” from my grandmother; and street food like isaw, fish ball, balut, chicharon baboy, taho, ect, etc…

Mag-Emote / Develop my Faith. Pray. Hug my family so tight and tell them how much I love them most especially to my father and mother. Visit childhood friends and places during my developmental years. Go to churches and attend Sunday masses faithfully.

Above mentioned items were just few but on top priority. My money will be the greatest factor to consider before my eyeballs will be blown away due to expenses at the end of my vacation.

Wish me Luck!

Scheduled Tooth Extraction

I received a call from the Dental Clinic I visited last Saturday. The Indian Lady on the other line reminded me of my appointment on their dentist tommorrow, March 12 - Thursday at 5:00pm, my scheduled tooth extraction. Scarrryyyy!

My first visit to a dentist who is my Ninang is when I was 7. My second was in 2005 when I comply for Medical Certificate, a requirement to work abroad (here in Dubai) and third, was in 2007 - cleaning and refilling. All of those experiences under the hands of lady dentists.

This will be my first time to have tooth extraction. First time to a Male and Indian Dentist, huhuhu!!!

To Go or Not to Go?!

Ouchhh!!! I have toothache...

We were watching “Ang Babaeng Hinugot sa Tadyang” over GMA Pinoy TV when my roommate Bobby open a packet of DINGDONG, a 5 in 1 mixed nuts. He empties it over a plastic container of ice cream and handed over to me. It looks like a Box of Chocolate (you didn’t know which one to get) over my hand. My eyes were dazzled by the different shapes and colours of the nuts. I grasp an ample amount and drop it into my mouth not thinking how hard the nuts are. I chew more than I can bite, hehehe!!!

Minutes later, I heared “tik”, a sound that catches my attention. There was a hard object that breaks inside my mouth. I don’t mind it because I taught that it was just the grinding sound of the nuts. After I finish chewing, I feel vacant space in between my upper right teeth. I rushed to the mirror, checked and found out that I lost half of my tooth. It’s good that it was not from my front teeth. I went back to my bed, continue eating the nuts and nailed back my attention to the TV.

After an hour, I feel microorganisms drilling a hole on my broken tooth. It gave me a ticklish feeling at first but after sometime; it gave me a terrible pain. Ouch! A pain that rolled over to all parts of my head. I can’t sleep, can’t read, I can’t standstill even for I have to press my head to the pillows just to ease the pain.

I’m not comfortable of oral medication, but when my roommate gave me medicine, I took it immediately. Good that it eased the pain and I was able to get a sleep.

My work that night was a hell experience. Microorganisms attacked again my broken tooth. They did not drill a hole this time, but they did a huge party having unlimited food and drinks complimented with a high powered sound system that made me in great pain. Ouch to the maximum level…

The following day, I rushed to a Dental Clinic which is 30 mins away from my accommodation. I filled up the registration and waited for my turn at the waiting area. After 15 minutes, the receptionist asked me to go up and wait upstairs.

“Mr. Julius” a Filipino, chinito and gwapo on his late 20 exclaimed. I raised my hand in followed him to the room. “Are you the Dentist?” I asked him because he really looks like a doctor. “No! assistant lang po ako” and turned his head to the dentist, an old Indian. What a Fuck! But don’t have a choice, the pain should be removed or else I will jump off from a 40 storey building.

I lay down to the dental chair and the dentist checked my teeth. “Oops! I can’t remove this. Your gum is swelling” the doctor said. “Doc, please! I can’t bare the pain anymore and I am living too far from the clinic” I explained to him. The Filipino assistant responded: “Baka ikaw ang sumuko Sir, di tumatalab ang anaesthesia kapag namaga” and struck me. “Ok! When do you want me to come back?” I asked them. “On Wednesday!” the doctor answered while giving me his prescription of medicines for me to buy. I thanked and said goodbye to them and proceeded to their counter to pay. It gave me more pain when I found out that I will pay Dhs. 85 (Php. 1,100) for that less than a minute consultation. I went to Pharmacy and then again the price of the medicines added more pain, Dhs. 106 (Php 1,350) for a 5-day medication. I took taxi and went home straight, the fare: Dhs. 65 (Dhs. 850). Hahaizzz! Di pa ako kumain sa lakad na to. I already spend Dhs. 250 and yet the deadly pain is still on my head. It will cost me another Dhs. 150 for the extraction plus the medicines after the procedure. Another hahaizzz!

Ang hirap magkasakit abroad! You really don’t know what to do. You have friends but their care and service for you is very limited for they have work. They have their own priorities too. I called my mother and it eased the pain a little bit. I am so distressed. I am crying alone. Bhogs called up but don’t have the mode to even answer him or even inform him my situation for I know he can’t help.

Now, I am drinking 3 kinds of tablets every 6 hours plus the medicine that Bobby asked me to take. It stops the pain but the pain comes back after 5-6 hours. The only advantage I can see from this situation was not eating enough food. Meaning, I eat less and I will loose weight. I will be sexier, hahaha!!! But my back is aching from lying on my bed so much of my time.

I am hoping that this agony of mine will not take long. I am so affected. I cant work, eat and sleep properly. I am dying (joke!)… I’m not ready yet!

See you on Wednesday – The extraction of my damage tooth.

I Found Someone....

And the most highlight is, may sex buddy na ako, hahaha!!! last Friday lang... I never expect that it would come. For the past 4 years (almost), I keep on “iwas” on flirting anybody sa katrabaho dahil bukod sa ayaw ko sa tsismis, araw-araw mo syang makikita, nakakahiya!. Although I had with a colleague named Chris (not his real name and he is gay) before, na my girlfriend na ngayon, this time is different. He’s straight! Kwento ko na lang later.

And here is the kwento…

Bhogs (not his real name) is a constant visitor. He visits me almost every Friday (my OFF), when my roommates are out for work. At first, I was hesitant to be with him alone. My sexual preference gives me a feeling of guilt for him to be welcomed on my place. I invited some of my friends to be with us during his first few visits but since his shift ends at 10pm, he always comes to my room late at night that friends are no longer available for us to join. He visits me because he wants to use the internet.

Since I am earning more than he does, I let him come to my room - Sharing of Blessings or just simply laying of bait so that fish will catch it, hehehe! I usually prepare snacks every time he comes. Don’t find him attractive but his complexion and body built deserves a second look. His ways on dealing individuals like me gave me assumptions that he had a wide experience on how to please gays. He sends SMS or even invited me to go somewhere that made you feel special. But, I tried not to do the first move although I gave him ideas and hints on my personality so that guilt will be lessen every time he spend his time to my kingdom.

One day, he brought a bottle of vodka to my room and invited me to drink. He wants to thank me for all the good things I showed him in the past. I said “NO” since I am not a hard drinker and a bottle of vodka will put us on our deathbed before we can finish it. I suggested calling another friend but he insisted not to. “Kung di natin kaya eh di tigilan natin!” he said to me. What! I immediately called the nearby store to deliver us food (“pulutan”) so that I can stay long with him by eating more than drinking.

Don’t judge the book by its cover. Bhogs is more than what he showed physically. Nagkataon lang na mababa ang posisyon ang nakuha nya but I know that this guy can achieve more than what I have now and what other thinks from him. Anyway, Dubai is (more often) whom you know than what you know.

During our drinking session, Bhogs showed me the other side of him. This 25 y.o. from Samar, Leyte who is a Criminology Graduate, loves his family so much like me. No chance to become a Police yet since the opportunity of work in Dubai knocked him first. He send his “kuya” to College even his salary is very minimal. He sacrificed a lot. Her girlfriend was pregnant when he left the Philippines to Dubai and he doesn’t know how to win her back. Etc, etc, etc….

I can’t believe that after emotional story telling of our life, we almost finish the bottle of vodka. We don’t even eat our “pulutan”. I hit my bed, I can’t hold on anymore. He laughed at me and I don’t know what happened next. The last time I remember was, when I woke up, I was embracing him from his back. I hugged him tighter and go back to sleep.

“Lilipat na ako, padating na ang kakwarto mo!” he said when I woke up for the second time. “Hindi! Matulog ka lang dyan at lilipat ako sa kabilang kama” and I did. The next time I woke up, my roommate was teasing me: “Waaaaa, lasing! Sino kainuman mo? I turn my head to my bed and Bhogs was not there anymore. “Did you see Bhogs? Sya ang kainuman ko” I answered to my roommate. “Di ko na naabutan!” my roommate replied and I go back to sleep with so much pain from my head - HANGOVER.

After that incident, Bhogs did not show to my room anymore. We see each other in the hotel but we just nod. I did not text or even call him because I am not sure if embracing and hugging him tight were just the things I did to him during that night. I assume that he gets mad at me. He gets mad because I took advantage of his drunkenness. But, I’m not afraid. I know that I did not do anything wrong to him. My only worry is, if he will tell it to anybody. I have difficulty on dealing or defending my gayness in public especially when I discuss it to idiots.

I missed him; I was expecting his text or even miss calls especially during my OFF comes, I waited. 2 weeks after, I received a text from him asking me if he can come over to my room on my off and I said yes. Yehey!

Friday – February 27, again my OFF and my roommates are out for work. 11:30 pm when I heard knocking on my door. I opened and expectedly, its Bhogs of course. He entered the room and closed the door. He excitedly informed me that he is promoted, from stewarding to waiter. He’s been doing cross training for the past 3 months and at last, he got the position. “Congrats!” I greeted him and he answered “Thank You” with a very sweet smile. “Lets celebrate!” I said and I immediately called for a bottle of vodka (again, no other type of alcohol available). We drink, eat, and sing together. Kahit na sa youtube videos lang. Walang microphone, walang sound system, walang score right after each song, hahaha!!!. We got drank.

At may nangyari…

I did not expect his text or call anymore but yesterday - March 6, again Friday and my OFF. I received text from unknown number: Tol, musta? Makikigamit na naman ako ng computer mo kung ok lang…wala akong load, text ka sa cp ko, Bhogs." I immediately go to message details and I found out that it was sent to me at 8:51pm and I only read it at 1:45am of March 7. I fall asleep because I had a terrible day because of a toothache. I called him back and I found out that I don’t have load either. I rushed to the store and buy a mobile charge and texted him: “Bhogs, pasensya! Ngayon lang ako nagising… di ko namalayan ang text mo.” And gave the half of my mobile charge to him through “PASA LOAD,” yup! you read it right, may PASALOAD din sa Dubai. Seconds later he called and I answered: Oh! Bat gising ka pa? Di ko nabasa text mo kanina, pasensya." " Ginising mo ako eh… Ok lang yun! Pupunta pa ba ako dyan?" he asked. “Ikaw? Pero wag na matulog ka na lang at next Friday na lang tayo magsama ulit.” I told him. Di ko rin feel kasi medyo masakit pa ang ngipin ko…

Saturday at lunch time, he called and invited me for lunch...

See you next Friday, on my OFF.

Opppsss... i was out for some time!

Oppsss!! Di ko na namalayan na ang huling post ko pala ay noong February 27 pa. Teka lang, bakit nga di na ako nakapagpost. What made me busy after that day? Hmmppp….

* Busy ako sa kakaplano ng bakasyon ko which is set on April 1. Instead of writing paragraphs, I busy my self on writing bulleted sentences na pwede kong gawin during my 45 days stay sa Pinas.

* I bought a camera last February 1 but until now I don’t know its basic function. I use my time checking free tutorial videos/articles on the internet for me to familiarize ASAP. Buti na lang di ko pinatuloy yung Basic Photography ko dito, otherwise mapag-iiwanan ako.

* Nagkakasilipan Na. Did you know that 75% of my posts were made during my work? Night shift kasi ako and most of the time walang ginagawa kaya nakakapagsulat ako, hehehe! But since its time of recession, iwas muna. Baka kasi mapaaga ang pag-uwi k at wala na akong mababalikang work sa Dubai .

* Naggi-GYM na ako now (regularly). From a waist line of 34, ngayon 32 na lang or less. Im still hoping to loose more weight para makapag-bodyfit ako sa Pinas, hahaha!!!

* Dumadami ang mga blogsite na sinisundan ko ngayon. Mas interesting kasing magbasa kaysa sa magsulat. But writing your own experiences is more effective for your brain cells to pump-up. Biruin mo, ang bilis ko nang gumawa ng liham through email sa mga pamilya at kaibigan ko ngayon. And the most rewarding is, when you read your post after some time, it gives you a pleasant feeling kahit ang daming errors.

* Matulog.

* Nagpapaunlak na ako. Since my last post, napagbibigyan ko na ang imbitasyon ng mga kaibigan para uminom, kumain o simpleng panonood lang ng DVD movies sa kwarto. Nakakarinig na kasi ako ng reklamo from them like: Magpapari ka ba? Or worse: “Walang Pakisama!”

* Magchat imbes na magssulat. YM of friends na nasa Korea, Japan at mga kapamilya sa Pinas. Mahirap kasi kapag may time difference; you have to adjust at magbilang ng oras.

* Maglinis ng kuko, ng closet, ng banyo. Mag-ayos ng kama, magtapon ng basura at kung ano-ano pa.

* And the most highlight is, may sex buddy na ako, hahaha!!! last Friday lang... I never expect that it would come. For the past 4 years (almost), I keep on “iwas” on flirting anybody sa katrabaho dahil bukod sa ayaw ko sa tsismis, araw-araw mo syang makikita, nakakahiya!. Although I had with a collegue named Robert (gay) before, na my girlfriend na ngayon, this time is different. He’s straight! Kwento ko na lang later.

hahahahahah!!!

Sino Ako (part 2) ?

Kaibigan

# 20

Di ako handa na makipagsuntukan,
Upang ikaw ay ipaglaban sa gitna ng daan
Pero buong oras ko kaya kong ilaan,
Para ikaw ay damayan at paglingkuran.

#19

Di na baling sampu, basta totoong tao
Kaysa sa dalawmpu pero nagbabalatkayo

# 18

Bad trip sa akin ang nagtutulakan
Sa panahon na may dapat bayaran
Sa restaurant o anumang klaseng gimikan
Gastos pag-usapan, bago ito simulan.

# 17

Ayoko sa mayabang dahil ako ay mahilig ding magyabang
Subalit handa akong lumohod kung ikaw ay nakakalamang.

# 16

Hirap akong maningil sa mga nakautang
Pero di ibig sabihin na ito’y kalimutan na lang
Ang perang kinuha dapat mong palitan
Para sa susunod ikaw ay pagkatiwalaan

Sino Ako (part 1)

The 25 things about me….

Walang nagsabing gumawa din ako nito
Pero ako’y nagsisikap para sumabay sa uso
Kahit sa post na ito, pwede akong mabuko
Wala akong pakialam! Basta ako, nagpakatotoo…

Sino nga ba ako? Ako ay…

Bakla:

# 25

Awkward sa akin ang magladlad
Dahil katawan ko ay malapad
Pilit mang magpakatotoo
Pero kumembot na parang babae (in public), ni sa isip ay di nabuo (as of this time).

# 24

Di ako karpintero, tubero o mekaniko
Pero magaling akong maglaba, mamalantsa at maglinis ng kwarto.

#23

Ingat kayo sa akin kapag ako ay nalasing,
Baka wala ng saplot sa inyong paggising
Kabaklaan ay sobra at di mapigilan,
Kapag alak dumaan sa aking katawan.

#22

Lifestyle, Talk Show, Reality at Documnetary
Yan ang mga hilig ko kapag nasa harap ng TV,
Basketball, Boxing at mga teleserye,
Yan ang ayaw ko kaya remote control ay di mapirmi.

#21

Type kung magkaBF dahil dahil yucky ang GF (napasubo lang!)
Gusto ko nang magmahal, at mamahalin din ako ng lubusan...


to be continued...

81st Oscar Awards

The best moment I had while watching (live) the 81st Oscar Awards was during the acceptance speech of Dustin Lance Black who won the best in Original Screenplay for the movie MILK.

I found myself into tears when he gave his thanks to the people he loved and inspired him to be at his best, very emotional...

He is a hero.

Excerpts: I wanna? I wanna thank my mom, who has always loved me for who I am even when there was pressure not to. But most of all, if Harvey had not been taken from us 30 years ago, I think he'd want me to say to all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight who have been told that they are less than by their churches, by the government or by their families, that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value and that no matter what anyone tells you, God does love you and that very soon, I promise you, you will have equal rights federally, across this great nation of ours. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you, God, for giving us Harvey Milk. (Oscar.com)

Click for full:

http://www.oscar.com/oscarnight/winners/?pn=detail&nominee=Milk%20-%20Writing%20(Original%20Screenplay)%20Nominee

I was also very happy when Sean Penn (MILK) won the best actor. Unfortunately, it was not shown here in Dubai because of homosexuality issue. Sigh...

Inbox of Delights

After reading Mugen’s latest blog entry entitled body clock, I decided to post this article (advertisement) I read from IQ Magazine: Issue 0031 for 4-10 February 2009 which I read 2 weeks ago.

Inbox of Delights

Late Nights Emails Equate to Double Espresso Before Bed

Dubai , UAE, 27 January 2009 – Sleep experts have cracked the mathematical formula for a good night’s sleep in a bid to halt the sleepless epidemic – and there’s bad news for email (blog) addicts.

According to Crowne Plaza Hotels & Resorts’ research, checking emails before you go to bed has the equivalent effect on the body of drinking a double espresso.

Fuelled by the spiraling use of PDA’s, mobiles, laptops and Blackberries, business travelers are potentially robbing themselves of a good night’s sleep by failing to switch off gadgets early enough before going to bed.

Light from a mobile phone or laptop is intense enough to halt production of sleep-enhancing melatonin and experts are warning workers to switch off at least an hour before lights out.

To help guests enjoy a refreshing night’s sleep, Crowne Plaza has teamed up with top sleep expert Dr. Chris Idzikowski, of the Edinburgh Sleep Center, who traveled existing research to identify the top five factors for a good night’s sleep – and the five things that most likely to keep us awake at night.

Sleep Solutions
- Quiet (Q)
- Complete darkness (CD)
- Cool temperature (CT)
- Comfy and clean bed (CCB)
- Daytime exercise (DE)

Sleep Nightmares
- Electronic device usage 1 hour before bed (EDU1)
- Late-night eating (LNE)
- TV
- Caffeine (C)
- Alcohol (A)

And this is what the formula for the perfect night’s sleeps look like:

Q+CD+CT+CCB+DE-EDU1-LNE-TV-C-A = Zzzz

To all bloggers who can’t sleep because of thinking too much for their next entry and waiting for comments from their readers,

GOOD LUCK!

Room # 2229 (last part)

Before reading this post, please find time to read the fisrt part:

http://mrcens.blogspot.com/2009/01/room-no-2229.html

Continuation…

Feeling very anxious I went back to the desk where I am working. I was shocked of the incident that just transpired. I had difficulty to get my senses back that made Arthur, a colleague asked me of what happen and just answered him “nothing.”

After sometime I faced the computer in front of me, hit the keys 2229 in the system and the guest’s profile popped-out from the screen. Room # 2229 – Mr ______________ ; 29 years old from Saudi Arabia . He will be checking out in the next 2 days.

The things that I did to the guest on his room that night occupied almost all the space of my brain. It’s like a movie clip that keeps on playing every now and then. I should be very happy because I got what I want but the uncertainty is more bothering than the sexual pleasures that I had from a very hot Arab man. I was thinking of my future (at least) and the possibility that I might be in jail the moment this guest will make drama and complain. My shift ends with full of uneasiness.

The following day I tried to be in my normal mode, trying to forget the greatest mistake I committed here in Dubai. I made an effort to stay away from the vicinities of the hotel where I can be seen but my other side pushed me to be at the lobby hoping that the guy will see me and still want me on his room before he checks out. Luckily, the night ends that I did not see him.

Night before the guest checks out, I came to my regular shift that started at 11:00pm. I prayed at the Locker Room and went straight to my working place. Though scared, I am ready to face the consequences no matter what it takes. The incident gives me a lesson. For just a simple sexual urge, I put myself into a big trouble that will end my life.

After receiving the handover from the earlier shift, I am ready to face a new day. I stand confidently at the desk when the phone rings. When I am about to pick up the receiver, I saw from the caller id that it was from room # 2229. “What a fuck! We have 446 rooms in the hotel” and yet the first caller that I might receive for the night is from the guest whom I don’t want to have connection with anymore. Again, feeling nervous…

I look around to ask for help from colleagues but there was no one available. No choice, I pull up the receiver and answer the phone.

Me: Good Evening ______ (department)! This is Julius speaking how may I help you?
Guest: Good Evening! Can you please reconfirm my ticket?
Me: Can I have your flight details please.
Guest: Its EK 214 flying from Dubai to Riyadh.
Me: Sir, Emirates flying from Dubai to Middle East Countries need not to reconfirm.
Guest: Ok! Is this Julius?

BINGO! I was busted; the guest knows my name. I don’t know why but I confirmed him that it was me who made quickie experience with him 2 nights ago. I asked myself several times why I did not tell lie, I was caught unguarded.

Me : Yes Sir, Julius speaking. How may I help you?
Guest : Can you please go to my room, I will be checking out tomorrow.
Me : Sir, I am on duty.
Guest : Just for a few minutes.
Me : Ok Sir, I’ll see you in your room for few minutes. Bye.

I don’t want to disappoint this guest. I want to please him until he steps out from our lobby. I don’t want him to complain and if he has a plan to do it, I am hoping that he will reconsider it.

Though I just came for the shift I asked my colleague to cover me up for I want to take a 30-minuute break. Not for food of course but to finish whatever I had with this guest that put me into sleepless night.

Room # 2229, I knocked the door and the guest inside opened the door. Again, for the second time I saw the most beautiful face I had with in bed for years on bathrobe (only). He hugged me tight and he closed the door immediately.

Me : Sir. I will not take long. I am here to just say goodbye.
Guest : No problem…

And gain it happened.

Me : Have to go.
Guest : Take this.

The guest gave me Dhs. 500 (Php. 6,000) and his business card. I took the card but not the money. He took my number and wrote it down on a piece of paper. I went out from the room and go straight to my post at the lobby. I don’t know what to feel, but still very scared because he has still few hours to stay before his flight to Riyadh.

My shift ends. I went home and still thinking of the guest that I had just encountered. Maybe of tiredness and was not able to get sleep the day before, I had it for a couple of hours. I was awake when my phone rang. It was a call from an unknown number. I immediately think of the guest I had wildly encountered. I took the business card and compare the numbers that appeared on my phone’s screen. Yes, it was from him. I placed my mobile back on its place and tore the card into pieces, open my window and throw it away. I feel relieved and go back to my sleep.

Don’t have any connection with that guest anymore but the experience still haunts me.

The End...

Kilig to the Max!

The first person who greeted me happy valentines this year was from Nino, my crush right at my very own doorstep at 8:45am. He went to my room straight from a night duty asking me if he can use the internet for a while because his girlfriend was online. Automatically, I welcomed him with open arms. ...he still on his uniform

I let him sit in front of the computer and here I am, don’t know what to do. I busy myself arranging my stuff in the closet and put the TV on. The opening segment of Eat Bulaga made me “kilig” to the highest level. The cast of the program sung love songs from different times, old and new. I can’t help myself to sing along as well as Nino. Hahaizzz… feeling in cloud 9, if I can only tell my feelings. The songs were classics such as It Might Be You; Always; All You Need is Love by Beatles and Everlasting Love as revive by Gloria Estefan and new songs such as Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis and With You by Chris Brown. I want to tell him that I am singing for him, heheh…

I don’t have the guts and it is not necessary anymore. Love is sweeter if you will be loved in return. I know that Nino can only offer friendship to me. If time will come that Nino will allow me to conquer his body, it’s not out of love, it is his kindness in return of the favours I am doing to him which I am trying to avoid. Alam mo na yun!

My Most Memorable Valentines Day

My most memorable Valentines Day was in 2007. Not because of romantic craze or flowers and chocolates all around the corner, but it is because I heard the pilot of Emirates Flight flying from Dubai announcing that we are landed at Ninoy Aquino International Airport. After 9 hours of waiting and nosebleed because of a Fil-Am seatmate that keeps on asking me stories in English, we landed on my most loved country, Philippines. He keeps on telling her love of her wife and his favourite sport, basketball even I wore my headset watching “The Devil Wears Prada, Finding Nemo, and Happy Feet while on board. No common interest to talk about. Thanks God that the aircraft was not full, I got the chance to switch places with of course a very pleasant excuse from him.

The gorgeous crew bids us farewell and immediately rushed to immigration. I don’t mind to talk to that Fil-Am buddy anymore even to remind him of his invitation to 1 night stay on his place at Tagaytay (with his wife) for I am so much excited to see my “sundo,” Chris. The last word I heard from him is asking me if his 10 US $ tip to those entertainers (trio on strings) is enough.

I went out the airport and finally I breathed in the dirty air of Manila, an awesome feeling on heart’s day. I saw Chris and hugged each other like scene in the film. We took taxi and find a place to stay for a night since I have to catch flight to Davao the following day. OMG! Most of the hotels, motels, lodging house or even boarding houses were full. Thanks God that we found one, Mabuhay Manor. Don’t know where it was exactly since I am not familiar in the capital at all.

Chris asked me to refresh immediately even he saw the words JET LOG on my head. We went down and took taxi and brought me to an eerie place called PALAWAN Bar. Eerie because the street going to the place was so dark and the bar was located in residential area. I am expecting that it was a bar with macho dancer dancing on their boot shoes only. But I was wrong; most of the performers were gay impersonators. The waiter laid a bucket of San Mig Light on our table and a platter of oil with “sisig” (exaggerating!) In just a couple of minutes, I finished the 2 bottles and I said to myself, wow! This is the real thing. I looked around and found out that there were no ladies on the place except for the person on the counter collecting cash payments from the patrons. I stood up and went to the toilet and then I realized that this is literally a gay bar. Bar that only gays/bisexuals are welcome. I feel so happy because that was my first time. Everybody is so friendly and most of them were nodding at you when they see you staring at them.

After an hour, I find myself on the dance floor with my shirt off as what others are doing. I had a great time, an overwhelming experience. A guy flirted at me and I invited him on our place.

When we reached the room, I immediately hit the bed. The guy put off my shoes and tried to turn me on but I was so drunk to be tempted. I woke up and saw Chris and the guy fucking each other. I turn my head and sleep again with a smile.

We had our breakfast together with the best service in the world - the hospitality of the Filipinos. We checked out and say goodbye to our new friend and Chris and me went straight to Domestic Airport for my flight is at 10am. I hugged Chris so tight for helping me of so many things. He will stay in Manila for some paperwork but promised me that he will see me in Davao the following week for he is planning to take a 2nd degree which is nursing in my city.

What made this experience most memorable is the fact that I was away in the country for 2 years and my first day in the Philippines after my work abroad was on Valentines day.

Happy Valentines Day to all!

Friday the 13th

It’s Friday, the 13th of February and it’s my off. I don’t believe that this day would bring bad luck as what I saw in the movie 4-5 years ago or what others believe, but it seems that it will happen to me this time.

There were no new posts from my favourite bloggers on the net; No email for me to reply to; No calls or text from friends for invitation to go out; feel so lazy to do my day-off tasks such as washing clothes, cleaning my room, etc. etc.

I went out with my camera on the street to take snapshots but was so cold to stay long. I was invited by my friend Jonathan to his room for his birthday party but I don’t want to see his girlfriend. I want to write something for my blog but even the first letter of my name was so difficult to find on the keyboard.

My day is almost over and I am ready to go to bed before the omen of this Friday the 13th would really kill me though this is very early for me, at 9:30pm. But not yet, when I open the internet and again check post from my favorite bloggers, i saw this...

http://lexuality.blogspot.com/2009/02/feeling-better-after-kambyo.html

Yes, the letter was from me. I did not expect that, the famous Lex Bonife will use my letter on his post for today - February 13, 2009. Friday the 13th...

Wala Lang!

OFF ko na naman...

day off is supposed to be the most awaited day of the week. time to rest, enjoy, and have fun. but sometimes...

this was written last February 6 at the nearest mall from where i live in dubai, IBN Batuta Mall.

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Hahay, heto naman ako. Nasa sulok ng foodcourt sa pinakamalapit na mall. Binubusog ang sarili ng burger, fries at softdrink. Di makapagsine dahil gusto ko “Pinoy Gay Indie.” Kahit well acclaim na pelikula basta may temang kabaklaan, ni TV Ad sa local station di makakadaan. May internet, pero kulang sa emosyon, sa sound effects, sa quality. Gusto ko big screen, gusto ko sa madilim na my 3D max quality at digital sound.

Di makapagbar, dahil bukod sa malayo sa tinitirhan ko, magastos ang ganitong bisyo. Alam nyo bang ang isang pitcher ng beer ay isang libong piso. Ayaw ko yatang tumagay ng beer na uminit dahil tinitipid mo ito. Ayaw ko yatang sumayaw pagkatapos ay wala ka man lang mapupulutan sa iyong kinauupuan. Ayaw kong mainggit sa nga orders ng kabilang mesa.

May inuman nga sa kabilang kwarto pero ang hang-over mo aabot ng isang linggo. Bukod sa amoy at lasang lason na sa 3 shots lang, sigurado ka nang mahihilo. Ganyan katindi ang alak na mabibili mo sa kanto, na ang nagbebenta ay taong puno ng balahibo. Di mo tuloy mawari kung sya ba talaga ay tao o oso. Kung bibili ka naman sa liquor shop, tatanungin ka kung ikaw ba ay lisyensyado. Syempre hindi dahil ang sahod mo ay mamiso.

Pero bakit ako ay nandito. Sa malayong lugar na maraming Arabo at Indyano. Na kung saan, lahat ay nakakalbo dahil tubig dagat ang pinanliligo dito. Hmm… siguro sa mga ‘to:

- Mas malaki ang naitutulong ko sa pamilya.
- Masarap ang buhay dito. Pagkain, transportayon at ang bahay na tititirhan ko, 24hrs air condition at walang water and electric interruption.
- Afford kong magpalinya ng internet sa kwarto.
- Nabibili ko ang mga bagay na gusto ko (basic lang!)
- Malayo sa gulo, sa traffic, sa corruption, sa hirap.

But home is where the heart is. Nandito nga ako, pero ang puso ko ay nagsusumamo. Na kailangang umuwi at makapiling muli; Ang pamilyang nagbibigay ng lakas at inspirasyon sa bawat sandali. Ang bansang kahit na mahirap, madadama mo ang tunay na sarap…

Ang ngiti ng bawat Pilipinong tunay na naghahari.

May G4M account? Hmmppp…..

Nino is an ultimate crush. His youthful charm and charisma made him on the top. What made him so adorable is the way he treated other people. He is the only person who hugged me (so) tight wishing me well a night before I took my emergency leave to the Philippines 2 years ago; He likes to send forwarded messages talking about love and compassion but I told him to stop it because I keep on misinterpreting it; etc. etc…

He is straight, as my gaydar signalled me. As a matter of fact, I know his girlfriends. Yes, girlfriends because he had 2 relationships with our colleagues and the 3rd were from our sister company not to mention what he had in the Philippines. In fairness, it was one at a time. Come and go - a typical playboy.

Since Nino is so dear to me, I let him borrow my laptop. He knocked my door one morning, enter my room and lay on my bed beside me after knowing that my roommates are not around. “Naglalambing.” He will download songs to his IPod. Although, hesitant I can’t resist his smile and his way of begging me. After saying yes, he immediately took the computer and walked out. Bullshit, hehehe!!!

The following day he returned it to me. He said thanks and went back to his room. I immediately open it and check if it’s not broken. Thanks God, it was not.

I open the internet explorer and type G4M (one of my most visited site) on the search bar. My email add is MrCens@yahoo.com. When I start hitting the first key, I missed “M” instead I started with “N” which shocked me. After I hit N, Nino’s email add appear on the pop-up. “What a fuck! Why he has a G4M account?” Hmmpp…

I did not bother to ask him about it nor move to the next step to express my feelings. The most important thing is we are good friends and loving him from a distance is good enough for me to be satisfied. To make my day complete and put a smile on my face every time I see him is the best gift from him. If Nino is straight or bisexual, it doesn’t matter to me anymore. The most important thing is to respect him as I want him to do the same to me.

Test Shot

I just bought my NIKON D80 camera. I immediately went home and read the quick start manual for familiarization. Actually, I don’t want to use it without reading the manual because it’s too expensive (for me), I might break it on the first day of use. But my roommate Bobby is super “kulit” begging me to take some shots with him, and the result:

Bobby (with "yosi")

- Father of 2 beautiful daughters.
- At age 40 still looks good and flawless
- Full of energy, “tumatanda daw sya ng paurong sabi ng mga naiinggit.”
- He had a short relationship with President’s (ex) niece, a very famous personality.
- A fully recovered drug addict
- Very easy and fun to be with, gimmick or work wise.

Adrian

- Tall, dark and handsome
- Most friendly especially to girls but public enemy ng mga Security Officers. Pasaway kasi pag nalalasing.
- Recovering addict and Dubai is his rehabilitation center which is very effective (sabi nya).
- Very generous
- Mahilig sa speakers, amplifiers, head set, basta audio, expert sya.

Seriously, these guys are my kapamilya. I am so blessed that even I am away from my real family, they let me feel secure almost all the time. I can count on them always. We just shut up when we had misunderstanding. We love and respect each other.

Sa kakwarto kong si Bobby and Adrian, I salute you guys! The memories and experiences that we’ve shared together inside the 4 corners of our room for 3 years now will last forever in my heart.

I love you!

My NIKON D80

The most expensive gift I gave myself:

Actually utang yan (credit card), wala kasi akong pangcash eh. Di ko na inalintana ang Financial Crisis o takot ko sa utang, dinaig ako ng excitement ko sa photography. In fact, nagpaenroll ako dito ng Basic Course pero di ko itutuloy kasi overlapping sa nalalapit kong bakasyon.

I have still 2 months to familiarize and learn how to use it. 2 months before my most awaited time for 2 years now, my 2-month vacation to the Philippines this April 2009. Yahoooo!!!

Wish me luck.

Ma, pwede na ba akong mag Boarding House?

Tired of living with my big family, I came to my mother one day and asked: Ma, pwede na ba akong mag-Boarding House? Even my office is only 1 kilometer away from our house.

Bakit? Pagod ka na ba sa hirap anak? She answered me with her sincere eyes.

Her answer although it was also a question contented me. I love my mother so much that I don’t want her to be in pain. She doesn’t want her children to be away from her for just a simple reason that I might give her on that time. My mother is my inspiration, my woman of my life, my angel. So, I stayed and yet still wanting to keep distance from them.

This happened on January of 2005, a year after I graduated college and the same time having my own income. I want to stay away from my family because most of my salary went to our house, my brother’s (next to me) tuition, groceries and sometimes water/electric bill which I think beyond my obligation as a good son. Its not that I am too selfish of my earnings, I just want to be independent and get more freedom in many ways.

3 months after, I received an overseas call from Charlie, cousin. He’s inviting me to follow him to Dubai to work in a 5 star hotel. Actually, that was his 2nd invitation for me to go abroad. I refused his 1st offer when he was in Saudi Arabia .

I don’t have a plan to work in other country. When I was in college, I told myself that I will serve my country as it needs me more than working abroad but of course, it changed now. But when Charlie called me the second time, I just answered him yes because I don’t want to offend him for turning down the second time.

The next overseas call I received was again from Charlie informing me to get ready for a phone interview. After 2 hours, a Lebanese Front Office Manager did the interview and congratulated me afterwards for I had just passed. And the rest was history. I found myself queuing on government agencies for passport, clearance certificates, etc.

May 27, 2005 at 11:00pm, I had my first step in Dubai .

Looking back, it seems that God gave what I asked from my mother 4 years ago, to be away from them. To live in Boarding House for independence and freedom. To be a good and loving son for I am still supporting my youngest brother’s (this time) tuition fee (next to me graduated last October), grocery, and sometimes water and electric bill.

Working abroad is like living in a Boarding House, temporary shelter for you to live. Time will come that you will go home to the place where your heart is, your home. There’s no place like home indeed.

Still, most of my earnings still go to my family.

Complaining? Hmmp… sometimes, hehehe…

HIV, a new understanding

The last and first time I saw HIV/AIDS victim was in 1994 in the person of Sarah Jane Salazar. I was on my second year high school when she together with some officials from Department of Health visited our school for information drive about the disease. I get interested on the topic more or less because that was the time I started to go to Movie Houses for paid sex.

I was 50 meters away from the speaker although the sound waves from the amplifiers that entered to my ears were clear enough for me to be cautious.

The only thing I remembered was, the disease is deadly and cannot be cured. I learned from that time, as what I understood, that most of the carriers are drug addicts and sex workers. I feel safe because I am not an addict although I had multiple sex partners in a month, but still did not bother me.

From 1994 up to the present I did not practice safe sex, although that was my most active sex life years. I’m quite surprise when some of my encounters encourage me to use condom. I get suspicious to those who peel the aluminum wrapper on their teeth while we are on our way to cloud nine. I’m not comfortable using it. Thanks God that my Medical Certificate was clear when I took it prior to my work here in Dubai .

Chronicles of E.blogspot; Back in the Closet.blogspot; POSITIVISM.ph gave me another view of the disease. I might more than 50 meters away from them because I am from the other side of the world, but their message is so clear (thanks, internet!). That, I should not only be cautious but to show respect and be extra sensitive especially to those victims. They let me feel the hardships and challenges they have as they live their life, but still able to be productive. They introduce me to the disease on a greater perspective. They educate me.

Yesterday was another story. When I posted my comment on back in the closet.blogspot entitled emergency (http://backinthecloset.blogspot.com/2009/01/emergency.html), I received few contradicting arguments from other commenter including e whom I respected so much for his effectiveness in story writing and his generosity to share his life experiences that would help other people. He might get hurt on my point or disagree on what I believe now but that was out from my honest self.

Nevertheless, these people gave me a new understanding of HIV.

Thanks guys!